I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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