Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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