I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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