we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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