I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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