.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize