so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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