This is not my ceiling
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
