Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
