If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
