i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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