I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
