Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
