If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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