i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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