how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
