shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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