We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
