So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
