Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
