I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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