Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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