So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
