Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
