So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
