Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
