As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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