It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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