What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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