Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
