I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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