woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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