Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
