your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
