PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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