So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
