so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
