I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
