I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
