stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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