all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
