i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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