how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
