After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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