It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
