is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
