Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
