We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
