Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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