Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
