Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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