hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
