I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
