so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
