he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
