So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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