so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
