We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
