shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
