i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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