STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize