No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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