Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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