In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
